Spilling Our Tea

Sandy Kusano (00:02.152)
Welcome to Spilling Our Tea, the podcast where we explore the intricacies of being Asian and female in today's world, unpacking Asian womanhood and mental health, one conversation at a time. I'm your host, Sandy Cassano, a mental fitness coach dedicated to empowering women to prioritize their mental wellbeing, become effective leaders, and connect with their joy.

So this episode is proudly sponsored by Joyful Optimist Coaching, where we believe that true leadership starts with mental fitness. I am thrilled to introduce our guest today, Lucy Liu. Lucy is a master life coach, helping women up level in business and life to confidently live an epic life. She is an unshakable optimist, wife, mom, entrepreneur, workshop facilitator.

motivational speaker and bestselling author, as well as the podcast host of the Lucy Lu Show. So please join me in welcoming Lucy to Spelling RT.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (01:07.869)
my goodness, Sandy, I'm so excited to be here.

Sandy Kusano (01:12.074)
Great, I'm excited to have you here and just ready for our Girl Talk session and excited to hear what you have to share with our audience today.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (01:22.902)
to begin with, thank you for having what you do in the world. mean, joyful, optimist, I just, I am so attracted to those two words, because that's what I'm all about too.

Sandy Kusano (01:35.686)
I know, I read your bio and I was like, there we go. We're optimists and we love joy. It's the new catchphrase too, because I don't know if you were watching the Democratic convention, but they're all about joy and choose joy. so joy is the new, you know, it thing. So I feel like we are riding the wave of the new trend of being joyful.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (01:38.765)
you

Sandy Kusano (02:00.808)
Lucy, let's get started. Can you share a bit about your background and personal journey? What experiences have shaped you to be the Asian woman that you are today?

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (02:14.318)
my goodness, I love this question because we can go on for hours, right? But yet at one point I thought I had no story to tell. I thought I was nobody. I was just an average Joe, average Jane. Growing up, was, you know, buried in a sea of just normal people because we as human beings, we did not grow up learning about personal development at school.

Sandy Kusano (02:18.686)
Right?

Sandy Kusano (02:22.655)
Hmm.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (02:42.84)
I so wish our school system taught us at early stage about personal growth, like taught us about how to be an optimist. It wasn't the case. didn't, we didn't learn it. So we have to learn it the hard way through school of life. Right. And for me, that was having problems with my name.

Well, my name is Lucy Liu and someone out there is already so famous by this name. So I grew up feeling behind all the time. I was always behind. And even though I had straight A's, I felt behind. And I actually dropped myself out of high school with a straight A's so that I can get ahead of my peers. I wanted to be ahead

I wanted to start earning money. I wanted to be in society. I wanted to chase all that shiny object that society put us through to think that it's good for us, that's considered successful. So I hustled my way through a community college so that I can eventually transfer to UCLA, a nicer university, and I did it.

And I interned at a very prestigious financial institute in Los Angeles where our office was managing funds for celebrities, athletes. And guess what? I wasn't happy. I wasn't fulfilled. I was like, no, this is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. So I actually left the industry, the financial industry.

and to pursue a family business because my husband at the time they had a family business and they wanted us there. But that was after about five years, we left that as well. Of course, it's a family business. So you have to train the right people to take over. But through it all, I think it really took me

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (04:58.436)
long time to realize that happiness is not ahead of me. It's right here right now. And I think through personal development in my 20s, it really shaped the foundation of my life. And until I found coaching, and I was like, this is it. I'm going to do this for the rest of my life because it makes me happy to, to be doing this.

You know, even if I don't get paid, I'm just here to share value. I'm here to share what I hope for you to pick up to help you better your life. And I know Sandy, you do this work too. And it doesn't have to be coaching. It's whatever line of work you do that you find fulfilling that you're not dreading going to work for that you absolutely love helping your clients do.

and that's what I want for everyone is to really live life by choice, to live life by your design and do what makes you happy and let making money be the byproduct of what you love to do.

Sandy Kusano (06:04.068)
Mmm, yes.

Sandy Kusano (06:14.958)
I just got shivers, tingles. There's so much of what you just unpacked. I want to begin by asking you, well, let's talk about what you just shared there. Because I think it's very prevalent within Asian society, this need to pursue to not.

understand that you can be happy now and this constant hamster wheel of I'll be happy when I'll be happy when I get into the good college. I'll be happy when I get that job. I'll be happy when I get that promotion. I'll be happy when I make X amount. It's I know it's not.

exclusive to the Asian community, but I know that I experienced it, you know, for myself and for throughout my family. It permeates that narrative of what's next and the inability or the lack of maybe educating of how to be happy in the moment.

to not pursue and just to understand that you could be happy. Where do you think you got your perspective and what clicked for you? Was there a pivotal moment that clicked for you to understand like, I could be happy now?

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (07:47.202)
I love this question because we don't really think about it until now I can say, in hindsight, what was helpful? But at the moment, we don't really know. But the wisdom is always there. I always say that the wisdom is always there. It's just covered in bushes or your well of wisdom. It's in you. It's already there. But it's covered.

and you just have to really uncover. And I think that's what personal development and personal growth is, is really to let go. And every time we let go of something, we're shedding that leave that's covering your well of wisdom. And I think it takes a while. And for me now, I can say, well, it wasn't a pivotal exact point, but it was really the small aha moments that added up for me along the way. And that's why I wrote my book,

which is called Confident and Epic, 21 Decisions for a Better Life, because I think now that I can look back, it was the small decisions that I made that added up to what led me to really living the joyful, optimist, epic, fulfilling life now, because it's these small decisions.

Sometimes, unfortunately, something tragic happens in your life that force you to make a pivot or have that aha epiphany point. But if you don't have that point, give it to yourself. Don't chase, don't wait. All it takes is a decision to make that change. And mindset shift can happen from a second ago. And I think it really

is that you starting to believe what's possible for you, that there is better possibilities for you if you don't find yourself fulfilled. And for me, it was in my 20s, finding myself stressed out. And the way I found out I was stressed out wasn't just like, I'm stressed. It was really, I was, I was really literally having problems breathing. I was always gasping for air.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (10:08.864)
My chest had chest pains. I was just really feeling like there was something extremely wrong with my body. Like I suspected heart conditions. I went to a cardiologist. I had all these tests done. And in the end, there was nothing wrong with me, but I was like, I am feeling crazily sick. Like there must be something wrong with me. Like I'm dying here. I can't breathe. I was yawning out.

all day and I just really couldn't breathe. And in the end, the diagnostic was still just stress and I was shocked. I, up, I didn't know stress can lead to such profound, you know, effect on your body. We would think, yeah, if you don't sleep well, maybe you're gonna be tired, right? But it was a lot more than that. It was chronic chest pain. It was just really...

breathing problems and that kind of led me to personal development and now I'm really about preventing that from happening. It's so much easier. Like people always ask me, Lucy, how do you deal with stress? I'm like, I can't deal with stress. So I'm all about preventing stress, right? If you're really stressed out, yes, there might be some modalities that can

Sandy Kusano (11:08.702)
Mm.

Sandy Kusano (11:27.476)
Yes.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (11:31.122)
you release stress but that's only temporary right we really have to prevent stress and and take preventive measures.

Sandy Kusano (11:34.922)
Mm -hmm.

Sandy Kusano (11:41.694)
Yeah, and you know, there is something, just to go back to what you were saying about educating and educating at a younger age, you know, there is something that happens again within our Asian community where, I don't know if this was the same for you, but I kind of felt like I was maybe encouraged to stay up late and study, that sleep wasn't.

this keystone have, I didn't learn until I was near 50 how important sleep is and how to mitigate stress. these are all things I wish I had learned earlier in life. You know, and, you know, our parents did the best and they, you know, knew what they knew. But how has Asian heritage influenced your approach to personal growth?

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (12:40.588)
I really want to laugh out loud when you said that because I used to drink my green tea at night, right? So I can stay up later.

Sandy Kusano (12:46.15)
Yeah, exactly. My mom and my grandmother would give me the green tea to be like, go ahead, stay up till midnight, whatever, pass that test.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (12:51.992)
You

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (13:00.128)
Right. So I know it's I know many Asian women probably experienced this, but by working with clients, I also know other cultures also do the same. So it's really about it's really about just being human. And I think such traits really gets passed on to our next generation unless we stop it. Like for me now, that's not the case. I put my daughter to sleep.

Sandy Kusano (13:17.962)
Mm

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (13:30.264)
8 o 'clock and she's in middle school and all her friends stay up until 11 right playing video games or whatever's But that's not the case. I want her to live that joyful optimistic life I want her to be happy and if she's she she's happier getting more sleep, you know, let it be and I'm just that kind of mom

Sandy Kusano (13:55.42)
No, that's wonderful though, taking what you've learned to be effective, right? The lessons learned, that's part of the empowering part of life, right? Is if we can take what we've learned and turn them into lessons.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (14:11.436)
Yeah, and also I think one of the mantras that I came by and really stood out for me was to believe that enough is a decision, not an amount.

When I heard that phrase, I was like, mind blown. And ever since that was instilled in me, it helped me so much in terms of when you think, well, there's not enough time. Well, enough is a decision, right? Prioritize. Pick your priorities and values. So what's important for you is going to get done. Right. And we like you mentioned earlier, I will be happier when X, Y, Z. Well, that when

It's not a time, it's a decision. So you get to decide when you'll be happy. I mean, you can be, you can be happy whether you're homeless, right? But in between jobs, making six figures, making eight figures, it doesn't matter. It's about you deciding who you want to be, how you want to live your life, and when you're going to do certain things because that's your life.

Sandy Kusano (15:23.614)
Yeah, I love, can you say that again? Enough is.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (15:28.81)
A decision.

Sandy Kusano (15:32.126)
decision. Amazing. Again, I have tingles. What you just said, you know, I think I reflect back and my mom and I as she was getting close to...

the end of her life here on earth. We would talk about our earliest years here in the US when we had first immigrated and we had very little money. We struggled, barely anyone in a family spoke English, you it was about six, you know, and we look back on our photos and...

Gosh, we were so happy. We would go out on outings, go canoeing. We had just so much fun and really were united as a family. And it's odd to think that as we kind of progressed with life that we became more distant and lost touch with that.

innocence that we had as well and that ability to just enjoy life without being influenced by our circumstances. Is that something that you resonates with you?

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (16:52.344)
Absolutely, my goodness. So my family immigrated here when I was in elementary school as well. My parents came to the United States with two suitcases and nothing else.

So they were very, very brave. I would not have done it myself. Right. And they came with no money. They worked their way up to eventually bringing me here. And we were just this happy little family. And I really appreciate it. I remember when we first when I first landed, we we rented a small bedroom off of someone's house. And there was just three of us in one single room. And we had to share everything.

Sandy Kusano (17:10.036)
Yeah.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (17:33.93)
out with others. And we eventually moved to our own apartment, to our own condo, to eventually buying in our own house. And then they wanted a better education for me. they constantly I moved probably 20 times. I'm so serious. And because they wanted to raise me in a better area with better schools, better education. So eventually, after tons of moving, we landed in the

Sandy Kusano (17:58.698)
Mm -hmm.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (18:04.106)
I guess one of the best school districts and best areas of Los Angeles for the Asian community where probably I would say the medium price for this area is like two, three million dollars houses.

And I met friends who were a lot more well off than me. And some of them even like, you know, to they have status, they have names. And that's when I realized our little small family like we were the happiest. Like I see, I saw that firsthand. So I was really, really happy. My parents brought me through this process. And even though I was at the

best school that they tried so hard to get me into, I still left it. All right? And then I went to UCLA. My roommates, they were from these small cities, you know, the cities where the Asian parents thought they were bad cities that you wouldn't get into college. Well, well, well, right? There they are.

Sandy Kusano (19:06.772)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah. Yeah.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (19:12.568)
So I think really happiness has nothing to do with your status or economic status or your family situation. I've seen it all and it's really about you again, choosing how you wanna live your life and how, through what lens, through what perspective do you see your life through? Because life throws us lemons, but what do you do with it that matters?

Right? How you react to it, how you see it, it's your thoughts after, right? If something happens and then you think positive thoughts, then you're going to feel happy. You're going to feel motivated to take better aligned action. Then it'll get you good results. Whereas if you are negative and you're thinking, this sucks, right? That's going to put you in a negative spiral.

Sandy Kusano (19:40.564)
Hmm.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (20:05.886)
where you're not taking, you're either taking inaction or you're taking action that's not aligned and that won't bring you good results. So the choice again is yours.

Sandy Kusano (20:17.098)
Absolutely. Choice, Beautifully said, it's all about choice. Something that you shared here that's bringing up for me this. Well first I want to acknowledge the.

kind of immigrant experience, the third culture kid experience, the first generation experience, and just normalize it, that it's difficult, right? But that, you know.

as you and I both shared looking back that there are these pockets and moments of just pure joy and you know that it's not a preventative thing but the reason why I wanted to bring it up is I think there's a lot of listeners out there and I even found for myself when I was growing up I thought it was just me I just thought I was the only one having this experience.

And it's only now again, the more we speak out about it in our own unique ways. I think it helps others as they continue to figure out what their choices are and who they wanna be.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (21:27.18)
Yeah, and you know what you just said made me think of something I hear a lot by Asian Americans is how they grew up in a small town with all white folks and they get bullied and they have trauma because of you know the way life was during their childhood. Yes, that's true, but I just want to say for anyone out there that that was the case for them. I want to let you know that

We moved eventually to a community where it's 80 % Asian and we still have the same problems. We still get bullied. There's still mean kids at school, right? There's still all the comparison. And then, yes, there's racism within Asian community too. Then you start, right? You start feeling the racism from other ethnicities, right? And even, I'm Chinese.

Sandy Kusano (22:10.346)
Right.

Sandy Kusano (22:16.639)
Yeah.

Sandy Kusano (22:22.762)
Right.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (22:26.408)
Then there's the division between northern China and southern China and Taiwan and Hong Kong and it just gets it just gets dissected. But the problems are always there. So I just wanted to make that clear. There's always problems in life. We all get thrown with curve balls. Don't think that you were the only one getting that. Right. Because we have that victim mentality like why me? But sometimes

Sandy Kusano (22:51.114)
Mm

Sandy Kusano (22:54.495)
Yeah.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (22:57.241)
If you think, why me? Because I can use it. I can do something. I can amplify my voice because of my experience that I get to help someone else or I get to be stronger. I get to be a better person. So there's always a good side or a negative side. Again, you have to choose your narrative.

Sandy Kusano (23:24.814)
comes back to choice again, such a great message there because yes, we are kind of conditioned in a survival instinct sort of way to look out for the negative. And it's only when we can be present and make choice, as you keep emphasizing that we can.

not be in this autopilot mode and really make this higher level thinking decision process, making for how we want to live our lives, how we wanna design our lives as you had mentioned. And as you were saying, it just sounds so silly how micro we get about just putting one another down instead of lifting each other up, even within our own.

you know, culture and community. And what came up for me as you spoke is a quote that I use when life kind of kicks me in the butt. And it's, you know, to change the two to a four. So we always say, you know, why is this happening to me?

Like you said, that victim mentality. And if you can just change the two to a four and say, why is this happening for me? And look for what is the gift or what is the lesson that is being delivered so that I can become a better person or make better decisions. It kind of shifts how you approach the situation. At least it does for me.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (25:01.388)
Yeah, sometimes, you know, we learn these techniques, but it's crucial that you have to actually use it, right? You hear Sandy and Lucy speaking on this podcast and you're like, yeah, turn a negative into a positive, but you actually never do it. I was on a client call yesterday and we were like going through this exercise and it was the same problem. Knew it.

Sandy Kusano (25:10.047)
Mm -hmm.

Sandy Kusano (25:18.91)
Yes.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (25:27.784)
not doing it, right? But it could be so easily done. One example we did was she was saying, I am carrying so much weight at work. Like she was dreading going to work. I was like, well, you know, your circumstance is that you are going to work. That's a fact. You're going to work tomorrow. That's a fact, right? But that's neither negative or positive because you are thinking

Sandy Kusano (25:29.876)
Hmm?

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (25:57.706)
I have so much weight on my shoulders. That is causing your anxiety. That's causing your negative feelings. So therefore you're dreading work. Why not turn it into a positive? Let's say I am so capable of carrying a lot of weight. I can multitask, right? And then she was like, Whoa, like that sounds so much better. Right? So it's these small thoughts. It's so easy.

but you got to implement it. If you listen to this podcast today, I want you to actually do this the next time you actually hear a negative self -talk in your head. Immediately turn that into a positive and see what magic happens.

Sandy Kusano (26:43.434)
Yeah, that's fantastic Lucy. let's, great segue to talk about coaching, right? Because I feel like this is still maybe a foreign concept, not just in the Asian community, but in general.

how it can be beneficial not just for, let's say, the executive or this kind of far removed figure, but for just anyone who's trying to achieve goals and experience life differently. How would you describe coaching to someone who has no clue what it is?

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (27:19.796)
honestly think it's a necessity. Like you talked about in the Asian culture, I didn't even know about coaching. Right? We had no idea. Like we don't have coaches. And even when I became a life coach, I told my friend and she was like, well, isn't that for celebrities? Isn't that for executives? I'm like, no. Nowadays, it's for everyone because it's called life coaching. You are living life. As long as you're living life, you can benefit from having a coach.

Sandy Kusano (27:27.678)
Same.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (27:49.78)
And like Sandy, I am so grateful to meet you. I am so happy to see another Asian coach. I don't see you as a competitor. like we are blooming together, right? And I want that for every girl, Asian girl, women out there in the world. That's how it should be that we're going to rise together, that we're going to help each other rise and that we're all going to bloom together.

Sandy Kusano (28:02.109)
my gosh, same.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (28:19.266)
So I really didn't get to necessity.

Sandy Kusano (28:22.894)
I love that Lucy. I was thinking the same exact thing, that there's enough abundance for all of us, you know, and that I remember when I started wanting to be coached and I am coached, you know, I went out there to look for people and I was like, there's no one that really looks like me or has a similar experience to me. And I really crave that and saw the need or, you know, wanted to fill that need for someone else who might be feeling the same.

And now that I'm in the world, see you and I see so many of these beautiful souls doing this good work. so also just want to encourage our listeners out there to give it a try. So many coaches do kind of free discovery calls or kind of try it out and see because it really, man, I had a coaching session the other day for myself and I went from what would probably take me maybe weeks of overthinking to just

laser -focused, yeah that is exactly what I need and all the answers came from me. It didn't come from my coach. She just helped me arrive to what I needed, what I already knew, right? And so it's so powerful, right? When you're like, yeah damn that's...

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (29:35.86)
Exactly, exactly. I love it.

Sandy Kusano (29:42.548)
that's what I need to do, let's go do it, you know? Instead of this state of overthinking which can really paralyze us in so many ways. And I think also with our upbringing sometimes we become, we are conditioned very early on to be a little dependent on what our parents want or what our family wants or what our society thinks we should be doing.

you know, and that could be very limiting. And it's hard to maybe get to a point where you can make your own choices.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (30:19.714)
Yeah, that's a big one because we are always seeking external validation and especially as Asian women, right? And we ask our friends, we ask our parents and the answer is gonna be no, no, you shouldn't do that. You shouldn't do that, right? They mean really well. They love us, but the problem is they don't have the same goals. They might not have the same, you know, ambitions or the way you wanna live your life.

They don't know that. They just know they love you and want to protect you. That's all. Where coaching is, we have the same goals as you. Whatever you want to do, we want to do. Whatever dreams you want to achieve, we want to cheer you on to get there. So that's the difference between having a coach is that you share the same goal and value. So I think that's where the difference is between someone just giving you feedback from your own circle.

whereas an outsider see it from an eagle -eyed perspective that you otherwise might not be able to see.

Sandy Kusano (31:27.911)
Love that definition. Carry that forward. Lucy, looking back, what advice would you give to that younger self of yours, especially regarding your self -empowerment and development?

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (31:43.158)
I think the true motto that I go by, it's my email signature now, is just there's always a way and blessings are coming. So as soon as I really truly instill that mindset in myself, I, it's in every fiber of my being that I believe there is always a way. So when I'm, you know, when I'm hit with one of life's curve balls, instead of shrinking myself, I just be open.

I'm still optimistic. I'm still open to opening new doors and having new opportunities because I believe more blessings are coming. And even though when I'm going through hardship, I know those are still blessings in disguise.

Sandy Kusano (32:28.514)
Lucy, you are so full of wisdom. Where can our audience find you if they want to connect with you and learn more?

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (32:36.31)
Yeah, absolutely. Come say hi. So I am most active on Instagram at Ms. L, U, Y, L, I, U. Same handle pretty much on every social. And if you are listening to this podcast on your favorite platform, just hit the search button and look for the Lucy Lu show. It's L, U, C, Y, L, I, U, the Lucy Lu show. It's a very short weekly fueling station for your mind, business and life.

Sandy Kusano (33:05.77)
Fantastic. Thank you so much, Lucy. And to all our listeners, I will be linking to all of Lucy's sites so that you can look her up and support her and connect with her and check out what she's doing. So thank you so much for joining us today and sharing your incredible journey and insights.

Lucy Liu @mslucyliu (33:23.906)
Thanks again for having me Sandy, keep being amazing.

Sandy Kusano (33:26.28)
Yeah. Thank you. Same to you. Your story is truly inspiring and beautiful.

For our listeners, if you enjoyed this conversation, be sure to subscribe to Spilling Our Tea so you never miss an episode. We're here to spill the tea on real stories, mental fitness, and the joy of living authentically. So don't forget to join our Spilling Our Tea community to connect, share, and support each other. You can find us at joyfuloptimist .com forward splash, Spilling Our Tea.

And remember, sharing our stories and normalizing conversations around mental health are powerful steps towards greater understanding and support. Let's keep the conversation going and continue to inspire each other. Until next time, keep spilling your tea with joy.